i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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