the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
