dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
