you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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