Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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