i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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