All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize