I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
