I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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