so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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