Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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