i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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