At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize