I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
