Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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