I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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