Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize