I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
