Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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