They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you didnt know i had herpes?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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