"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
