So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
