hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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