I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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