i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
