I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Randomize
