I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
