I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
