i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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