I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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