I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
