I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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