have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
