I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
