A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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