Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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