I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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