i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
