After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
