put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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