he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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