It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
