I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
