My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
