Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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