I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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