Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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