He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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