Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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