dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
