I like my sex mixed with concussions.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
