Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
