I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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