i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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