ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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