Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
