beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize