i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
