dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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