shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
