Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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