Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
