I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
