if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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