so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize