this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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