I want to have your abortion
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
