ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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