i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
