I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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