So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
