This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
