Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
