Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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