i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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