How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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