I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
