the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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